Pizza Stone

Using a pizza stone has radically changed my life. Okay, maybe not my life, but it has improved my pizzas. If you don't have one, go get one. Or two. I know what you're thinking...I don't need a pizza stone, I just put the pizza in the oven and it's just fine. Pizza stone, what a waste! Or maybe you're thinking, wtf is a pizza stone?

Well friends, a pizza stone is an object that weighs about 10 pounds and cooks your pizza to perfection. It works best with homemade pizza crust, but it will also spiff up frozen pizzas, if you're into that sort of thing. You can get these form just about any kitchen supply store as well as Target, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Macy's, or other similar stores. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes and it's important to care for the thing properly when you have it (like don't wash it with soap or you food will taste like soap).

This is my own personal pizza stone.

Ugly little bastard, isn't he?


Well it's been used about once a week for the past 10 months or so. Dough, sauce, cheese, and other toppings have weathered its surface, but subsequent pizzas still come out like they were made in a brick oven in Italy.

Here are some other tips for use:

• Put it in the oven. Turn the temperature to 500 degrees and heat that stone all the way. Yes, 500 degrees. That's just about as hot as these things can handle, but once a pizza is on it, it will cook perfectly in about 10 minutes. 
• You may have noted, this bitch will be hot. So be prepared. When you open a 500 degree oven you will be blasted with hot air like you're inside a wood-burning furnace, so stand back. If you touch that stone with bare fingers you will feel like you've been burned by the fire of a thousand suns. I use a handy silicone mitt to keep my hands safe and baby soft. I'd highly recommend you do the same.
• This bitch is also heavy. Like I said before, about 10 pounds. Add a pizza and all it's dressings on top of that and you're about to blast your biceps. Don't be afraid to ask a handy husband kitchen assistant for some help if you need it. 
• When your pizza is done, you will be tempted to pick at it, break a piece off, or even shove most of it into your cake hole immediately. You must resist. It's 500 degrees and you will burn your face off if you touch it. Wait at least 10 minutes. Clean up the mess you made from cooking. Go take a walk. Or a shower. Write your mom a letter. Pay some bills. It will still be hot. 
• You can slice the pizza up right on the stone, or you can transfer it to a large cutting board and slice it up there. 
• Let it cool completely before attempting to clean it. Most of the time cleaning is a very small job. It may only require you to scrape off a few bits of charred cheese. But if you're a real sow then you may have to use your sink and a scrub brush. But don't use soap. Just run some hot water over it, scrub, and let it air dry.