Fat-Frying Gym Workout

Not-so-newsowrthy: IT'S SPRING!

And you have come to me for some toning workouts. Whether or not it's swimsuit, beach, and pool weather for you, it will be before you know it. Or at the very least, you're bound to find your beach at least once this season.

So this is a gym workout. I know I've said it before, "gyms = germs" but we're going to move past that for an hour or so (the workout shouldn't take more than that), and just sanitize yourself when you're done.

What you're going to need:

• An elliptical
• A medicine ball (between 4-10 lbs)
• A mat for ab exercises
• A treadmill

Let's get to it!

The Warm-up Segment:

10-12 minutes on the elliptical

• Really we could say this is an extended warm-up. Start as slow as you need, and gradually get your heart rate up during this intro to the workout (around 130-140 beats per minute). If your machine doesn't have a heart rate monitor, then just go by your rate of perceived exertion (RPE), which I look at on a scale of 1 to 10. Your warm-up should be around a 6 or 7. For a better idea of this "scale," you can think of this:
• 1 RPE = lounging around, pressing buttons on the remote
• 10 RPE = sprint like all hell has broken loose and you're being chased by a bear
• What I did for my warm-up was like a mini-interval workout, repeated twice:
• 3 minutes moderate pace
• 2 minutes hard
• 1 minute recover (easy), and switch direction of pedaling

The Body Toning Segment: 

• Medicine ball push-ups:
• Get into the push-up position and place a medicine ball under one hand and leave the other hand on the floor as usual.
• Do 3 push-ups with the ball under that hand.
• Roll the ball over to the other hand and do 3 more push-ups.
• Repeat this pattern until you have done 12 push-ups total (6 on each side).
• You will look something like this:

• Bicycle crunches:
• Lie on your back with your feet off the ground and knees bent at a 90 degree angle. Make sure there is a wide open space between your chin and your neck, and your eyes are focused on the ceiling. Gently place your hands behind your head, keeping your elbows pointed out to either side. 
• Simultaneously lift your right shoulder blade off the ground, turn and twist your upper body to the left, turn your right elbow to the left as your upper body twists, and straighten your right leg as you extend it to the ground without letting any part of your leg actually come in contact with the floor. 
• Return to the starting position and repeat on the other side. Do these at a relatively slow pace - it's easy to let your form get sloppy on bicycles. And under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you let your knees come in over your chest. The further your legs are from your body, the more this exercise will engage your core. 
• You should look something like this:

• Squats holding the medicine ball:
• Get into the basic squat position: toes pointing forward, feet slightly wider than shoulder width apart, back straight, and eyes looking forward. 
• With a medicine ball (or dumbbell or weight plate) in your hands, hold it in front of you like this as you perform your squat:

• Women's Health calls this a braced squat because you are bracing yourself, contracting your abs, and maintaining good posture the entire time. 
• Do 10 reps. 

• Plank with pendulum taps:
• Start in basic plank position.

• Holding your core tight and your upper body steady, lift your right foot up and inch, then move your leg out laterally, tap your toe to the floor gently, then return to the starting position and repeat on the other side. 
• Repeat for the first 20 seconds of the exercise, moving at a moderate tempo.
• Hold the last 40 seconds of the plank without moving. 

• Lunge jumps holding the medicine ball:
• Holding a medicine ball straight overhead with both hands, get into a lunge position.
• Make sure there is plenty of distance between your feet and you have a stable base. You may want to take each foot an extra inch or so out to either side to make sure your base is stable.
• Quickly sink down into your lunge, do a powerful jump, switch the position of your legs, and land with your feet again in a stable position.
• Your exercise should resemble this, except you will have that medicine ball overhead in your hands the whole time:

You're definitely warm now, if you in fact did do that 3 times. I was sweating halfway through!

If you're a beginner, you may feel better doing those 5 workouts only twice through. If you're more advanced, try for 4 or 5 rounds. 

So moving on to...

The Sprinting Segment:

Repeat that 10 times.

That's right...10 sprints, 10 recovery periods. Personally I prefer to end on a sprint, but if you'd rather start with one and end on a recovery interval, then by all means - do what you gotta do to get it done!

I'm not a fan of workouts that tell you the exact mph you should be moving at during a treadmill workout. We're all at different levels, and while 6mph is torturous for some, it's just not going to cut it as a decent workout for others. 

• Your "easy" pace should be strong but sustainable. Maybe just a hair faster than what you would do for a warm-up. RPE should be around 6. 
• Your "hard" pace should be one that you would not be able to sustain for the whole workout. You should be gassed and needing to catch your breath by the end of each 1-minute interval. RPE should be 9 or 10. 

You may have to feel it out for the first few rounds of running before you find your stride. Don't be afraid to speed it up a bit faster than you think is right. You just may surprise yourself and get through it! And remember, it should be hard during the sprints...that's what the recovery segments are for. 

Have yourself a little cool-down (RPE = 2 or 3) when you're done (3-5 minutes jogging slow or walking on the treadmill), and take a few minutes to stretch, specifically focusing on your legs and glutes. 

Happy spring!

3-Meat Pizza with a Seasoned Crust

I used to be a vegetarian. Not a full-on "meats are evil" gal (I still ate fish and eggs), but I started doing the veggie thing and decided to continue because at the time I just didn't miss meats that much.

That was five years ago. Hardly a day has gone by since then that I have been meat-free. Now I revel in the delight of crispy, rich bacon with breakfast, perfectly tender chicken parmesan, and even the occasional juicy cheeseburger.

Don't get me wrong, I've heard all the meat-haters out there get on their soapboxes and disparage animal products saying things like, "Meat gives you cancer!" or "Too much protein is bad for you!" or "Red meat is the worst thing for you!" And if they can't make those claims then they just start spewing off things like "Hormones!", "Antibiotics!", "MSG!", "Processed!" all while trying to conjure up images from The Jungle in your impressionable brain.

All things in moderation, my friends. All things in moderation.

Sooo...pizza. Shall we?

Lately, before the pizza making on pizza night begins, I've been hearing the husband chirp into my ear, "Can you make it with a garlic crust?" And the answer is inevitably, "Of course, darling!"

Really, it is. Because all it takes to turn a crust from "plain" to "gourmet garlic" is to add about a tablespoon of garlic powder to the dough while it's mixing.

But for this za, I wanted something more from the crust. I added the standard 1 tablespoon of garlic powder, but I also included 1 tablespoon of onion powder and 1 tablespoon of oregano. And if I am remembering this correctly, "I think you've perfected the crust" is a direct quote from the spouse during the pizza eating. Score.

Seasoned dough, waiting and rising

Ingredients:

• Prepared or homemade pizza dough for the crust
• About 1 cup pizza sauce
• 1 cup shredded chicken breast meat
• 9-10 large deli pepperonis
• 5 pieces bacon, cooked and crumbled
• About 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

I seasoned up the chicken meat with a dash of chili powder and a sprinkle of crushed red pepper flakes. The pepperoni may lend enough spiciness for you. But not for me. I like it nice n' spicy!

Put it all together:

• First, place your pizza stone into a cold oven. I cannot stress this enough. If you want to know why, here's the reason. If you're going to be using the oven for the meat preparation, just leave the stone in there for whatever temperature you use to cook your meats, then later you can increase the temp up to 500 without ever having to wait for the oven to cool or putting the stone into an oven that's already hot. It is such a sadness to have a pizza stone break. When it happened to me, more than just my stone broke. So did a little piece of my soul. 

So let's get started with those three meats: chicken, pepperoni, and bacon.

• I prepped the chicken in the crock pot earlier in the day. I've found this is definitely the easiest way to prepare a bunch of plain chicken that I'll later shred and season for various meals. All that's required for that cooking is to place your chicken breasts (mine come in packages of 3) into the crock with a splash of olive oil plus a sprinkle of salt and pepper. Put the temp on low and let things simmer in there until the meat is no longer pink. My crock pot gets Africa-hot, so it only takes me about 3 hours on low to cook up that sort of batch. 
• The pepperoni is from the deli counter in the grocery store. Ask your delicatessen for about 9 or 10 thin slices of pepperoni. I used to order everything in pounds or ounces, but as it turns out, the people working behind the meat counter actually prefer counting slices than estimating the weight of your meats and cheeses. It didn't take me long to stop and think, "Oh, that does seem like it would be easier." 
• Bacon cooks so easily in the oven. Turn the oven to 375, line a rimmed baking sheet with aluminum foil, and place the bacon onto the sheet without overlapping any pieces. Place that in the oven until the bacon is crispy, about 10-15 minutes. When the bacon is done, blot the excess grease with paper towels, then crumble or chop it into bits and pieces. 

It's all just toppings from here!

• You did set your oven for 500 degrees a while back and put the pizza stone in it, right? Phew. Good. Now grab that stone with your hand in an oven mitt, place it on a stable work surface, and put the crust for your dough on top of the hot stone. Put it back in the oven (no toppings yet!) for 2-3 minutes. After that time, remove the half-cooked dough-topped stone form the oven and place it back on your work surface. (That's the secret to my so-called "perfected crust" recipe.)
• Spread the sauce on the dough as evenly as possible. Sprinkle on the shredded chicken. Evenly place the pepperonis on top of that. Sprinkle on the mozzarella cheese followed by the bacon bits. Add more cheese to any spots you may have missed.
• Put the whole shebang back in the oven and set a timer for about 6 or 7 minutes. Really, just stay nearby so you can keep an eye on it and take it out when the cheese is melted and the edges of the crust are golden brown. 

Pizza out to cool on the cooling rack. This definitely helps with crust crispiness.

If you don't have the patience or shoulder strength to keep up with the calisthenics of removing and replacing and removing the weighty pizza stone from the oven, then you can do things the lazy way. Top your dough once with all the toppings in the order described and cook it in the 500 degree oven for 10 minutes. Still works, still yummy, but perfect? I'll let you be the judge of that.

Dinner is served!

It feels so right to eat this meat-covered pizza. 

Bike & Hike

The weather in the desert has been hit or miss as we transition into spring, but we were lucky to have a beautiful clear day that was almost 80 degrees on Saturday!

So I suggested to the husband that we take the bikes for a spin, he suggested adding on a short hike, and I laced up my new kicks and we headed out.

And a note on said kicks...awesome! They're New Balance 750 V2 running shoes, and my first pair of New Balance shoes in a long time. (Normally I'm more of a Mizuno or Nike sorta gal.) They are much lighter and more flexible than the running shoes I traditionally buy, so I'm hoping that doesn't mean I wear them out completely in a month's time. But another deciding factor for the New Balance purchase was the incredible price on them which I found on joesnewbalanceoutlet.com. I used to be uneasy about ordering shoes online, but after doing it a dozen times or so I've become confident with it. I know how my feet are, I know what my stride is like, I know how certain brands fit, and I always check the return policies - just in case. These shoes checked out and have been serving me pretty great!

We biked around our neighborhood, along some paved paths, and then onto a dirt trail, finally finishing at the base of the mountain. It was a strong ride, but at the same time, not too exhausting. After all, our main goal was to have some fun. My husband is a stronger biker than me, but he scaled back from his regular Lance pace and we rode together the whole time. 

Post-bike, pre-hike

Now the mountain we hiked may not be considered a true "mountain" by some people's standards. The one in the background of the above picture - that is a true mountain. A mountain with a name. Someday we'll go claim our way to the top of it, but since it's on an Army base we can't just go over there any ol' weekend and start walking. Apparently they have rules about these sorts of things. 

But I digress. 

There was pile of rocks fashioned into a throne at the top of the hill we climbed!

So we each took our due turn seated in the rock chair, playing king of the castle, spewing off "Go do this, go do this!" lines full-on Borat style. It was a splendid part of our adventure. 

The good thing about hiking is that going back down to the starting point is so much easier than the way up. I may be in shape, but I'm still huffing and puffing (and taking the occasional break to catch my breath enjoy the view) when I have to go vertical the entire time. (But really, check out that view in the very first picture on this post!) 

So the hike down was easy-ish, we biked the short way home, but still spent almost 3 hours out being active. Overall I was glad to have called this my workout for the day. 

And I was even more delighted to have some to-die-for delicious pizza for dinner afterwards too!

More on that later!

Chicken and Artichoke Pizza with Capers and a Stuffed Crust

This has been my first and final attempt at a home-crafted "stuffed crust." It was not even my intention to make it that way, but I had lots of extra dough on hand as well as a deli drawer filled with countless cheeses. So I thought, "how hard can it be?" For me, it worked about as well as trying to write an essay with a pen that just ran out of ink.

Hence, this simultaneously became, "The Ugliest Pizza Ever." I was thinking of making that the title of this post, but opted not to so you can just see for yourself.

Be real. It looks delightfully tasty. You can be nice and say that the crust and general shape of it are "not that bad." Or you can be real and just admit that this is the Quasimodo of all pizzas. Either way, the whole thing got eaten.

Before I get to the ingredients and pizza assembly process, let me just brief you on what not to do when making a stuffed crust. I would provide "how-to" tips and tricks all about making a fantastic stuffed crust, but I'm not aware of any such information.

First, I made a ring of dough by piecing the leftovers together, Frankenstein-style. Then I topped it with havarti and mozzarella cheeses, folded it over to enclose the cheese, and pressed the edges with a fork to seal the deal.

Next, I attached the round of dough I had cut out for the original pizza to the cheese-filled ring.  Using more dough bits, I covered and reinforced any thin sections of dough so it would be as sturdy as possible for the transfer to the awaiting pizza stone.

Well then came the collapse. Right there in my kitchen, on top of a 500 degree pizza stone. I intended to quickly peel the stuffed-crust dough from the countertop and gingerly transfer it to the stone for a quick pre-bake. I may as well have hired the Hulk, removed his opposable thumbs, put a blindfold on him and asked him to do the job for me. It was that bad. Between expletive versions of, "Crap, crap, freaking crap!," trying to rescue my dough from a miserable burning death by pizza stone, and contemplating scrapping the whole project, I did not manage to get a snapshot of the whole ordeal.

I carried on anyway, reassuring myself that no one other than my husband and myself would see this mutilated za. It would be our little secret. I wasn't even going to blog about it! But I guess I got over my shame, or something like that.

Halfway into  putting together a pizza that could be mistaken for a salad and sweating blood in an attempt to open the jars of artichokes and capers, I received a text from my husband. "On my way home, Chaos is coming over for dinner." Crap, crap, freaking crap! I usually pride myself on my tasty, beautiful pizza creations. Now his friend is going to know the truth and he's going to tell everybody and no one will eat pizza from me again!

Okay, it didn't end up that way. The pizza was actually really good even though we had to eat it with forks and knives. And from the camera angles I used, you can pretty much tell it's a pizza!

Ingredients (for the pizza toppings, not for a stuffed crust too):

• 1 or 1-1/2 cups pizza sauce
• Roughly 8oz. marinated artichoke hearts
• Roughly 1/4 cup capers
• 1 chicken breast, cooked and shredded into small pieces
• About 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Instructions:

• Prepare your pizza dough and set it aside. God be with you if you want to attempt a stuffed crust because I'm not about to offer any help on that.
• Place a pizza stone into the oven and turn the temperature to 500 degrees.
• When the stone is hot, remove it from the oven and place the prepared dough on top of it. You can do a quick pre-bake (just 3 or 4 minutes) which will give you a slightly crispier crust, or you can just go ahead and start with the toppings.
• First, spread the sauce on top of the dough, working it all the way to the edges. 
• Sprinkle your artichokes and chicken on next, followed by the shredded cheese, and last, the capers. Capers are rather salty, so only put as many on there as you can handle of their salt level.
• Bake the whole thing until the cheese is melted and the edges of the crust turn golden-brown. If you've pre-baked you will do your final bake for about 5-7 minutes. If not, it will take a bit longer (about 10-12 minutes). 
• Remove it from the oven and let it cool for a few minutes before cutting. 

The toppings on this gourmet delight are rather water-saturated, and in the 500 degree oven, they get super hot and stay super hot for a longer than average time. So just wait a minute.

Maybe Seth Meyers can more clearly relay that message to you:

Okay, 'nuff clowning around.

Go have yourself a fine-dining experience that includes this homemade, cheese-covered delicacy.